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Everyone agreed that none of this would have happened were it not for Robert's enduring love of animals. He had watched on as Liz had dutifully reared the pigs at Podere La Fratta. All seemed to have been going well. The only problems began to emerge from Eric. Eric was the only male in the herd of twenty or so pigs. He had been cantankerous at the best of times, but as time went on he became grumpy beyond endurance. Robert decided it was time for a spot of male bonding and decided that an evening out at Riccardo's bar was just what the pair of them needed.
At the end of a long run of aperitivi, Eric finally came out with the core of the problem. He could no longer cut the mustard. The sows would queue up but he just didn't seem to find them attractive any more. And besides, they always argued about whose turn it was. By the time this was resolved Eric's trotters were cold and all he wanted was to watch the telly.
Robert immediately understood the dilemma and, in the spirit of several aperitivi too many, offered to come to the rescue.
Initially, this seemed to work out well. Robert was not only a fearless mongolfierista, but a bon viveur and man of the world. The sows seemed pleased with a bit of variety, and Robert took his new duties seriously. It also took the pressure off Eric, who found renewed interest in his own contributions. Slowly the word got round about the new deal in the farmyard. This should not have come as a surprise. It isn't often you come across a man who can please a woman, talk knowledgeably about the virtues of wine costing one Euro a litre, AND weld the sty door at the same time. Robert was soon in high demand.
It all went well until Mavis appeared. Okay, Eric had been showing signs of resenting Robert's popularity within the partnership, but nothing more than minor moodiness had surfaced. Mavis had also kept well clear of Robert because her mother had always warned her about aviators: anyone whose work relied on the sort of burners that balloonists used was only ever one step away from a bacon sandwich. This wasn't good news for a pig.
Eventually, however, Mavis too fell for the buccaneer charms and welding skills of the wily old balloonist. And besides, how was Robert to know that Mavis was Eric's girlfriend. Eric could at least have warned Robert, but "no". The sight of Robert in full flow with Mavis was too much for Eric. This was when he decided to roger Robert.
It wasn't altogether clear what Eric's intentions were. Some suggest he was only playfully seeking to turn the twosome into a threesome. Others say that Eric had decided that, like Saddam, Robert's moment of public departure had arrived. Whatever. A sudden lurch, the heave of a horn, and the partnership was suddenly over. So was Robert. Eric was back in the driving seat and Robert was back in the choir.
Doomed to forever after fly with a limp, Robert took to his bed in desolation. Eric of course felt an immediate sense of guilt, or at least pretended to do so. He offered to cover Robert's flights until our hero recovered and, to be fair, none of the passengers noticed any reduction in the charm or flying skills of the pilot. Eric was quite happy to have continued, but it was never going to be the same.
Limper but wiser, Robert decided to stick to what he did best -- falling asleep on his own after too many aperitivi at Riccardo's. He resolved that never again would he allow his love for humanity override his better judgment. Never again would he make wild commitments of solidarity to those who just couldn't sort their lives out. Thank goodness he still had the wine and the Barrino to rely on. Much heartened, he ordered another large aperitivo. That was what led to his fateful offer to look after Riccardo's ducks......
